I woke up this morning, angry and upset. I realize this may be normal for those of you who dread the morning hours, but for me, it was highly unusual. It was further upsetting because morning is my favorite time of day. I read some Proverbs, but I found no admonishments, “Snap out of your ‘tude, Caitlyn” or inspiration, “Everything is okay because remember, God is very good.” Instead, I just continued feeling vaguely upset and angry.
It’s been eleven hours since I woke up, and the day has turned into a gift (maybe it always was) and my gratitude feels like relief. Relief from the hostility I woke up with, relief from my general animosity toward the world and my own ambiguous future. Relief, swelling, like a giant green balloon, ready for flight. I can’t think of something that would have made this day better. I am content, showered by gifts.
It’s so clear to me that there is a God who loves me beyond my frailty and orneriness. It is so clear that somewhere, Someone is singing and neither my loud flustered banging around nor my icy silence change the song.